Self-Love - How to Nurture and Grow It
You often write to me to tell me that you are inspired by my drive, enthusiasm and energy. What do I write to you? That I look forward to being mutually inspired. And what do I receive back from you? “Well, I am just so ordinary.” Total nonsense. No one is just ordinary!
Everyone, who lives their life guided by their heart and follows their destiny, is an inspiration. Even if you are a garbageman. If you collect garbage and you do it well, you have my respect. Without you, our streets would be full of trash which attracts all kinds of rodents, provides an amazing growing environment for mold and who knows what. Not to mention the smell that would be spreading across the city.
Everyone is extraordinary thanks to who they really are. One only has to open up to their own value and love and let them shine. Are you saying someone has a problem with that? So what? Keep in mind that in every single situation in life you are always doing your best. If the other person’s best is at a different level, it is their best. Not yours.
I put together ten tips for nurturing and growing healthy self-love. They may not suit everyone but even if a single sentence helps you, it counts as success. Your success. Treat yourself with the warm feeling that you can go ahead and enjoy this article right here and right now. Let’s do it.
Expression of gratitude
Every day, there is at least one reason to feel grateful. This is also true at times when you feel alone, burned out, annoyed with yourself or lost. There is always at least gratitude for being alive. Why? Because you get to experience all this. The duality of life is exactly what makes life fun. Can you imagine being super happy for 90 years of your life? Boring. So, go ahead! Make sure every day to find one thing for which you are grateful and thank for it. Even if it is life itself.
To me, this is the single most important factor of your healthy relationship with yourself. During our lives, since our childhood, we have lived through several cases of injustice that hurt. But what happens if you don’t clear them?
Let’s look at a specific example.
There is a file on your desktop. When you delete it, where does it go? To the Recycle Bin. Has it been fully deleted? No. All you did was move it to a place you can’t see. That is exactly how the human mind works. You suppress injustice or a negative experience and you try to delete it but in reality you just stored it in a place that is out of sight. What does it mean in normal life? It means that whenever a similar situation arises, this pattern is unconsciously reflected, and you get hurt again and again.
First of all, we have to forgive ourselves. Everything we have ever caused to ourselves and whenever we put ourselves in the role of a victim instead of releasing our full inner strength. In addition, you must forget everyone who has ever hurt or betrayed you. There are many forgiveness techniques. Some of them are described in our Soulmio employee program.
For this purpose, self-affirmation works the best, in my opinion. Even if you are short, fat, too skinny, flat-chested, have a beer belly or any other imperfections. You need to learn to accept yourself. What is the worst thing for your relationship with yourself? Rejecting yourself. How do we expect to be loved by others when we are not able to accept ourselves? Let’s close our eyes and repeat the following few sentences several times.
I love every single cell in my body. I accept my body with unconditional love. I accept everything that belongs to me. I love myself. I am perfect the way I am. I love my life. I accept all its joys and pains.
Connecting with yourself
How often do you connect with yourself? Everyone can find at least 5 minutes a day. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Observe it, do not pressure it or influence it in any other way. It’s just my breath and I. Breath is life. If you have more time, stretch outside, try meditation, yoga or any other activity during which you let go of everything that is happening out there and you only focus on yourself. Feel. Feel every single second of life. In the quiet, inactivity and peace, you are coming closer to yourself.
I come first and I know how to say no
It is not selfish. Quite the opposite. If you approach yourself with self-love in everyday life, you most likely know how to say no to things that intuitively do not feel right. You let in people who love, not those whose hearts are closed and who often think their power and mind rise above everything else. If I do not have a good inner feeling about something, I reject the demands of my surroundings for my time and energy. I realize that whatever I invest my energy in grows. That means that if I invest my energy in something that sucks life out of me or takes more from me than I receive back, it is my choice. And I am the only one who can change that. Make a decision right now. Make a decision for yourself. For your balance and peace in your soul. Not because of what those around you expect from you.
I build healthy relationships
I build relationships that arise voluntarily, from the desire to share experiences and life stories, and to share time and energy. Those are not experiences based on dependencies. Yet, many relationships are conditional. If you do this, I will do that. That is dependency. There is nothing beneficial about it. If you tend to create dependencies and want to get rid of them, forgive. Forgive yourself and the other person. We have already mentioned that earlier.
I free myself from the need to look for love elsewhere
Everything we lack is sourced from the external world. If we lack self-love, we tend to look for it in the outside world despite unhealthy circumstances. And we will do almost anything to achieve it. Anything to make another person love us. That is not a healthy pattern. Healthy love is free. To be able to give and receive love, I first need to have love. Right now, right here, I release myself of the need to look for love elsewhere. I have it in me. It is in every single cell in my body.
I am enough!
I am often inspired by people around me. Sometimes, people write to me: “You know, I would like to be like you. So strong and inspiring.” I usually reply that they are also an inspiration. But they just refuse to see it in themselves. Total nonsense! If you do what you love and live in harmony with yourself, you are a walking inspiration. Even for me. No one is just ordinary. Everyone has something that can help someone else.
We were brought up to see the world from other people’s perspective. Nonsense. We will never be liked by everyone. Even if we do everything that is expected of us, there will always be someone who will not think we are enough.
Self-pity versus empathy
In healthy self-love, I am not a victim. I am responsible for my life, I accept it for what it is and choose love over fear. Instead of pity, I use empathy and humbleness. Even when I am down, I do not feel sorry for myself. Instead, I am very kind to myself. Empathy includes understanding that suffering and personal failures are part of the general experience that we all share during our lives.
I do not hurt myself
Close your eyes and imagine that an angel comes and picks you up with their strong arms to give you a bird's eye view of your life. What is it like? What do you see? How do you enjoy looking at yourself and hearing: I can’t do this. This is not for me. I can’t possibly make it. I am not good enough.
Watch what you say. You create your own reality, and it is exactly what you live and what you think and say about it. So, stop and think. How do you talk to yourself? Why do you hurt yourself? You are perfect just the way you are. Do not introduce fear and doubt in everything you do. 98% of fears inside our heads never become reality.
Have a wonderful day and do not forget: You are stronger than you think!